"I'm scared!"

Yes, fear is what is coming up for me big time. Fear of gaining back the weight that I've lost, fear of plunging face-first into a box of suzie-cues (I could asphyxiate on the wrappers!), fear of drowning myself in sugared & creamed coffee every morning, fear of wanting more more more, of nothing filling the void within, fear of failure. I'm also looking at a career change to massage, and that freaks my sh*t out even more! Fear of losing the security/comfort that I have with my current non-massage job, fear of my kids not getting a good education because I can't afford to live in the town we live in now, fear of failing at massage - what if I can't get any clients? What about health insurance? What about a stable paycheck? How will I be able to afford organic food and occasional skiing and all the million things the kids need? Not to mention rent and utilities.

I don't like being scared. It's a yucky, breath-stealing, gut-crunching, trapped feeling. Logically I know that I will be fine, but try telling that to the rest of me.

All I can do is take it a day at a time, a meal at a time, a workout at a time, a chocolate bar at a time. So right now I'm going to have my lentil & vegetable barley organic soup, my ry-vita crackers and cheese for lunch. I've brought my workout stuff for after work. I have my banana for later. I'm good for the moment. Deep breath.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.