The stress returns

It's probably a "duh" for many folks, but stress has a huge impact on my eating and my attitude. Well, yeah! I was home yesterday with sick daughter, and was trying to unpack from my return of over 2 weeks ago, and was feeling so totally overwhelmed and stressed. My tasks weren't fun/mindless tasks, but more of the balancing-the-checkbook, sorting papers, trying to find room for all of my new massage materials (boy is that industry high maintenance in terms of "stuff you need to have to do it"!). I hate clutter, and because this apartment is bigger than my last apartment, I find that stuff just keeps piling up and up and out and over. Blech!

So anyway, I'm feeling stressed, and naturally my mind goes to "what can I eat", which is really an extension of the more honest but not always obvious "what can I eat to distract myself/make myself feel better/numb that discomfort"? I gave into it somewhat, although thankfully we don't have much junkola in the house right now. My mother had given me a ceramic jar filled with biscotti, so I had one of those. A small handful of roasted salted cashews (blech! I much prefer my raw unsalted version that I have here at work). A brownie from the batch that I made for the kids' lunches, with a smear of PB. Lunch was over-portioned, and hardly any veggies (corn (starch, really) and butternut squash). It was SO hard not to make coffee! I had some on Sunday so that is my allotment for the week. The usual distractions, which I am trying very hard to break.

It's not easy.

I tried drinking a bunch of water. That helped a bit. I mostly tried being with the feelings of stress and overwhelmed. Now that I think more about it, I could also have acknowledged that it was perfectly normal and acceptable to feel that way. I went to yoga, and that helped a TON. Breathing. Plowing through the paperwork and other stuff so that I could at least get it taken care of, instead of distracting myself, not getting it done, and then feeling even worse.

It's not like I haven't been working out. I've taken about 5 yoga classes this past week (all so delicious and wonderful!), given 3 practice massages (which is a mini-workout in itself), ellipted, walked to/from Y, done my weights. Yet these damn feelings still come up!?! How come?!? Isn't exercise the panacea to all my troubles? Why the hell not? That's what the TV and magazine ads claim! Be thin, be beautiful, all your troubles will disappear. Oh, and you'll get a dishy rich man. Woohoo! I'm still waiting....

I kid, I kid. I know why I'm working out and eating better, and it ain't for any of those reasons. I think my bigger problem is my soul-sucking corporate job. That's why I'm learning massage, so I know this is helping me feel that there is light at the end of this depressing tunnel, and I would like to make it out alive, with a healthy body and hopefully intact mind. I KNOW the exercise helps with that!

Today I've had (NO COFFEE) water water water, vitamin, granola w/soy yogurt, apple, black beans, roasted garlic couscous with chopped kale (so easy to throw in the frozen chopped stuff when the water is boiling! No lost vitamins!), and baby spinach w/flaxseed oil. Not sure on the whole-grain-ness of the couscous - it was a box that I had in the pantry.

Yoga tonight, yeehah! Then grocery shopping, so dinner will most likely be a salad with some seeds/flaxseed oil, maybe leftover chicken/beans/salsa/corn from last night. I have a banana waiting on my desk for before-yoga-snack. I'll make it through today.

p.s. and I'm still maintaining at 175, and may in fact be a bit below that. Woohoo!