GMST* (and an apology)

*Getting My Shit Together

Hey, I'm trying here. My life is now like most formulaic movies, wherein there is a scene where the hero/ine gets their shit together, accompanied by some kickass getting-their-shit-together music: I am in that mode. I wish I had a soundtrack to inspire me, and a screenwriter to make it pass by easily/effortlessly/quickly. Unfortunately I do not have either of these, so the process is challenging/taking lots of effort/slow, and no music can be heard.

I suppose that I could make my own soundtrack, huh?

Another unfortunate aspect of this is that I've been here before, LOTS of times. Again and again and again and...*sigh* Admittedly, it does get easier, and the lapses are shorter, and the mistakes made during the lapses are less grimace-inflicting. I only eat 2 chocolate bars instead of a package of them, etc.

As usual, part of the pattern has to do with how many dishes are in the sink and how high the laundry has piled and how well/not my meals are planned/purchased/prepared. The worse it is, the highly probable chance that I'm not eating/exercising right is. My house has been on the brink of minor disaster off/on recently.

Sunday I did my taxes, which I had been semi-putting-off, and that launched me into GMST mode. I worked out (elliptical and chest/arms - I am so freakin' sore now! I have been doing mostly yoga and then nothing while I was sick, and I'm very surprised at how sore I am after one workout), I cleaned off my island, which is a perpetual paper dump, which leads to chaos everywhere else; I did laundry and dishes and unpacked from skiing and put away paperwork and did bills. Last night the kids & I put away the ski stuff which was blocking the foyer, which is where all of our storage is and my massage stuff (no wonder I couldn't find my bag of sheets last week when I went to do a massage for a friend!), and they did chores (sweeping/dusting) while I made a healthy dinner and prepped veggies for their lunches and mine and then went to yoga, and did some more laundry and dishes and then the awesome bf cleaned the bathroom & finished the dishes, and when I got back from yoga I did some more frickin laundry (is going away for the weekend ever worth it?!) and balanced the ol' checkabook and finished the bills and got ready for today.

And so I feel better in general, and that affects my eating/taking care of myself. It's insane, I know, but there is such a connection for me. When my house is a mess, I'm a mess, and I'm getting better at catching things before they backslide. I still haven't figured out if there are triggers or which happens first. But it's clearly a pattern that is very familiar and probably, in some sick way, a comfort. I don't pretend to understand, although I have a hunch it could be partially due to my Control Freak sorta nature. I swear I've been working on that for years now, and probably always will be. At least I'm aware of it, and that's a huge step in the right direction.
In the meantime, I scramble to catch up and make right, and stay up until after midnight to do so, which is not a long-term healthy solution. I'm a little worried about starting school in June and juggling full-time job and kids and relationship and practicing/reading for school and KMST (Keeping My Shit Together). I better get working on that soundtrack!

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As promised, the Apology:

Can I just say that I am a Blogger Idiot??? (Blidiot?) I just found out that I was supposed to be checking my "Moderate Comments" section to actually see the comments.....! DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I apologize to those who have left me comments and then probably wondered why the hell I wasn't publishing them. I feel so very d-u-m-b dumb! Sorry!!!! Ok, I'll stop beating myself up now. Thanks SO much for your comments and support - I love this forum!