Walk To School day

Another walk-to-school day, so at least I got some exercise. But then I ate 2 smallish brownies, 3 gh1radell1 chocolates, and some mocha (hot coffee/hot choc mixed together). My eating was deplorable yesterday, although I had some greens with my bacon and 1 slice of bread/mayo. I'm surprised I didn't pass out in class.

I have some rice/beans/chicken that my ex-MIL made when she came up this w/e. I didn't exercise as I hoped to, and took a huge nap Saturday. Maybe I was coming down with something, I dunno, but I was *exhausted*. Spent the w/e doing the sports stuff, enjoying my ex-SIL's 3-month old baby, and not doing much of anything else. I still haven't cooked up the veggies that I bought saturday morning, and I have class tonight, so probably won't happen until tomorrow. I have 2 apples and an asian pear sitting on my desk, just as they did yesterday, sadly waiting to be eaten. And waiting. And waiting...

I have carrots and yogurt for class snack tonight. I need to lay off the brownies and mocha and start drinking some water, take some vitamins. I was doing so well w/exercise the first week & 1/2 of school, I can't stop now. The walk this morning was nice, not very long (a little over a mile, maybe?). Tomorrow is son's soccer practice so hope to do laps again, if it's not pouring (in which case they'd probably cancel practice, but we have open house & haircuts so wouldn't be able to get to the Y until after that - there's a thought).

I was reading about people who have gone through surgery for weight-loss, and it scared me. It scares me to be over 180 again (182 last time I checked). It's so easy to just keep eating the junk and ignoring how the days are piling up, that I can start "tomorrow". I'm sick of it. Where is my willpower? I was reading about Beth's amazing willpower against the B&J, which I ate a WHOLE PINT of last week in one sitting. What the hell is going on? Am I really that stressed about school/work/kids/sports/when-the-hell-am-I-gonna-make-veggies? Superwoman syndrome strikes again.

I know part of it is my inconsistent procrastination at work. When I get stuff done, I eat better and want to take better care of myself. When I don't get stuff done, I guess I might be punishing myself for it? Or not bothering to do the other "stuff" too? GRRRR

I am happy to report that my sink is clean, my counter is clean, hell, even the kitchen island is clean (usually a mecca of papers, bills, mail, assorted stuff). My bed was made this morning, my bedroom is picked up. My basket of papers isn't threatening to dump all over the kitchen floor. I have fruit and veggies in the house, the kids have lunch stuff. I'm not really doing that BAD. So WTF???????????????????????????????????

I'm going to get some water and buckle down here.