Ayuh.

Still here, still alive, haven't fallen face-first into a bowl of chocolate mousse. Yet.

*sigh* I'm pretty frickin' tired of the struggle this week, this day. Feelings of sadness again (I haven't picked up on the fact that I haven't seen my kids in almost three weeks as perhaps being a small part of this sadness - I get them back friday night, woohoo!). Had a blowout with my sister during our camping trip over the same old shit, triggering all kinds of family drama from thirty years past. *blah* The good news is that we resolved it in a record-breaking couple of hours, vs. days or weeks or months. Amen, people! I was able to surf the dadgummed waves of emotion and let it go. Have been rather exhausted since then.

Still having crazy vivid dreams and waking up tired, with my shoulders scrunched towards my ears. WTF?!?!

Lessee - exercise? Hmm. None on Friday as planned - passed out on the bed until bf came home after 10 p.m. with a very late dinner. Saturday was busy giving sessions and shopping for new massage linens and food for camping. Sunday was camping, which equaled much drinking and waaay too many clove ciggies, and included a sweet midnight stroll to the river. It was partly cloudy so not much star-gazing, but when it finally cleared it was *fucking* amazing!!!! Monday was the blowout, so my emotions got quite the workout, and my body felt the resulting letdown; we did some hiking but it was pretty casual. Yesterday/today I had/have school. I need to start up some exercise more regularly, but have the kids back for all next week so will probably have to start up the week of 8/7. Not to say I can't do *something* between now & then!

I've been getting inspired by Lose The Buddha, which led me to Athena and an amazing workout tracksheet. Wow. I love this kind of shit. Maybe it will actually get me off my ass!!!

Yeah, right.

Foodwise I've been ok, I guess. Haven't stocked up on the fruits/veggies so am suffering a bit, although I do have cherries left over from camping. Had leftover corn chowda for breakfast - lots of fat, I'm sure, but it was at least satisfying. I'm on this "hot food = happy tummy" kick lately, despite the heat outside. It's weird. It's also pretty cold in my office, so my body probably doesn't know what the hell is going on. I didn't compulsively buy any fastfood or ice cream after class last night, although I did have a smoke. *sigh* I definitely drank more than I ate during camping, which may/may not be a bad thing.

Hovering around 177 these days. Could be worse. Could be better. Like my zen attitude?

Workout forecast: today - not likely. Maybe a walkie in the morning; giving a session tomorrow night. Friday - also not likely, unless I get up in the morning early; have to get the kids (yeah!) after work. Saturday - also not likely as I am giving at least one session and doing homework, although I should get outside with the kids. Helping a girlfriend move on Saturday night/Sunday.

I'm not sounding too motivated here - if I really wanted to get 'er done, I would.