In a mood

And not a good one! Actually, I feel better than I did this morning. The daughter doesn't really speak very nicely to the son (he's younger than she), and it really gets on my nerves. Despite numerous attempts to correct this behavior, she continues to do it. It brings up all kinds of crap about my relationship with my younger sister, who was/is the more volatile of the two of us. I was the peacekeeper and wouldn't confront her about the way she treated me, which wasn't very nice, and I got to the point of having a wariness (sp?)/almost fear of her. You never knew when she was gonna blow. Anyway, I know that is part of the reason it pisses me off when my own kid is doing it, although she is nowhere near as volatile, just condescending. Not to mention that this is not how we treat other human beings.

Any-hoo, I ended up eating about 7 cookies for breakfast, since I didn't have time to lecture her yet again, and although I knew I was doing it, didn't stop. However, I decided that I need to sit down with her and talk about what it was like for me to be on the receiving end of the nastiness growing up, and the damage it did to my relationship with my sister; to consider how her brother feels when she treats him that way. I hope it helps.

I also need to have an unpleasant conversation with her dad (unrelated, but similar in nature), so I know that's eating at me too, and I'm choosing to eat to numb it.

I made coffee, and felt like either crying or going back to bed or sitting on the couch and vegging out. I pulled it together and showered/dressed, and had no other breakfast. I almost forgot my fruit on the way out, trying to juggle everything I was carrying, and I managed to get another paper cut (got one yesterday on my thumb that was killer!) and knock something off the baker's rack. GRRR!

I tried to get perspective as I was driving to work, since this other stuff was pretty silly. But the feelings aren't, and I cannot continue to ignore them. Yes, I've made great progress over the years, but there is still more to learn.

I think I'm going to take the night off exercising since my house is trashed, we have 4 different school/sport/scout activities converging at once, and I haven't done a single practice hour of massage. Not to mention I have no idea what I'm making for dinner, and meat is sounding so good today. I'll see how I feel, but I'm thinking that I need some inner peace restored before I go off track completely.