Update Week #10

I'm out of work for 2 more weeks. Dr. is a little concerned about my inability to completely straighten my leg, which is a result of 2 things - a tight hamstring tendon, which the PT is using ultrasound and soft tissue massage to loosen, and scar tissue built up towards the inside of my knee. Both of these tight tissue areas really pull and hurt, and don't allow me to fully straighten the leg.

I probably won't be able to drive for almost a month (I think he was trying to be optimistic by giving me a 2-4 week timeframe), and so will need rides to work once I can return. I am relieved that he gave me two more weeks until I return to work (and it will probably be part-time at first), and even though I've been having more frustrated/sobbing episodes, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Of course, it didn't help that I pulled out my lower back at PT on Monday, so have been mostly horizontal, but not in the good way, and taking happy pills before bed at night to get some relief and rest.

I've been dabbling in the sketchbook I had my mom pick up, with some charcoal & fine pencils. I haven't broken open the acrylic paints, but will do that this week, and I also bought an inexpensive travel japanese calligraphy kit. I can't figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do with the ink stone, though?! I took out 3 library books on japanese calligraphy so I am hoping one of them will clue me in, since my set didn't come with instructions. I used to love drawing and making my own greeting cards when I was younger, so will try not to get frustrated at my lack of actual skill and enjoy doodling and mixing colors instead.

I really should get my hand weights out too, and start building my upper body strength, which can only help my ability to get around on crutches...

Eating-wise, I'm still vegetarian, but also a serious ice-cream-atarian and chocolate, too. I'm afraid to put on my work clothes at this point, ugh!

Definition of irony

Typing my computer password with one hand, something along the lines of eating clean, while the other hand holds a duncan donetz chocolate frosted donut.

Easter Ham

So, our family tradition is that my mom makes ham for Easter (and often for christmas, too). Spiral-sliced, delicious ham. It's bizarre, because normally I don't eat ham (even when I was eating meat) at all during the year, but I can't get enough of the Easter ham. We have it for lunch, and then on fresh rye bread w/spicy mustard for dinner that night, or we take it home for sandwiches some other night.

It was a big dilemma for me this year, as I am trying to eat vegetarian (vegan is on hold until I can cook for myself again). A few days before, the bf asked what I was going to do, since he knows how much I love me some easter ham. I honestly didn't know, and I've been holding this veggie eating as an experiment of sorts, so that I'm not locked into "I *have* to", or "I can't". Therefore, the choice was truly mine, and I also don't have well-intending friends/family harassing me - "Oh, I thought you were vegetarian" or whatever. Not surprisingly, I didn't feel a lot of pressure when the time came to decide, and therefore it was very easy to choose not to have any.

I eyed it coming out of the oven, and yeah, it looked yummy, but I honestly didn't even feel a pang of envy. I am definitely, pleasantly, surprised, and happy that I wasn't "depriving" myself. Maybe it helped that we ate spread out in the living room, to accomodate my broken leg (I was comfy in my mom's recliner), so I didn't have to see everyone else eating it, or it hanging out on the table, luring me into trying a slice. I happily ate my broccoli quiche, salad, and buttered roll, and what is even more impressive, didn't completely pig out on Easter chocolate!!!!

I was also thankful, later that day, to be at the bf's mom's house, and not have her question my not eating the chicken that she served for dinner. I was a bit surprised, because she is one of those folks that would question something like this to death. I didn't have any protein, but it certainly didn't kill me. Perhaps the "protein" in my easter chocolate got me through, har har har!

*****

PT this morning - not in tears today, but my body temp dropped afterward, almost as if I was in mini-shock. I don't think my body likes the trauma of having the knee forcibly stretched, or the tendons pulled into taffy. I know it's important and necessary, and my PT acknowledged that I would be sore (like I was the other night), that this was to be expected. That's what the painkillers are for. Tell that to my liver.

I've been working the scar with vit. E oil, and it's looking quite healthy. It oogs me out to be stretching and mushing it around, but I know it's crucial to break up the adhesions. Scar tissue forms in a mishmash pattern, which can cause it to stick to the underlying tissue, and that can cause pain when I try to stretch my knee. The massaging helps to break up the stickiness, and helps to reform the scar tissue into more uniform rows, which is what muscle tissue is supposed to look like.

I've been waking up at night, usually at least once/night, with my outside hamstring tendon going into spasm and forcing my knee to bend. The pain is pretty bad, especially coming out of a sound sleep, and I usually gasp, moan, and try to straighten it out so it can relax. It's not fun. Last night it happened at least twice, and maybe a third time, although I can't remember for sure. I'm worried that my normal sleep patterns will be forever altered by this recovery process. At least I don't have to get the bf up every 4 hours to go to the little girl's room and/or take my painkillers. That was a complete bummer, for both of us. Of course, he wasn't in constant pain, but he is very grumpy when he doesn't get enough sleep. Men, sheesh!

The best news I had during PT is that he said I have more range of motion, even since my session on Monday, so that is terrific. The worst news I had was that I probably wouldn't be able to get back to active yoga until maybe almost July. Hopefully I can get back to gentle stuff before then, and modify like crazy.

Onward and upward...

He hurt me

Ugh - 2nd PT appt yesterday, and I was in tears by the end of it. I do my yoga breathing throughout it, and thought I was doing fine, but then he started pushing down on my knee/joint and that's when the tears came.

I tried explaining that tears are how I release energy. Witness me when mad - usually I end up in angry tears, which just pisses me off more, because then I don't feel I am taken as seriously, and I'm not sad, I'm ANGRY, damnit!

Anyhoo, he lightened up after that, but my knee was *throbbing* last night. I had to take some p3corc3t before bed, it was throbbing so much. I feel better today, and am hoping this doesn't set a precedent. I know he has to loosen up the joint, since it's so freakin' tight, but I'm not sure if it's supposed to be throbbing for so long afterwards.

I am trying not to freak out about the return of my buddha belly. My eating has been a blend of veggies and meatless options combined with easter chocolate and mexican fiesta drinking (saturday). Oh, combined with not-a-hell-of-a-lot-of cardio exercise, except hauling my arse up and down my stairs to get out of the house. I scooch up/down on my behind, and my triceps get a great workout, at least.

Today I must do my taxes, *groan*...

Current exercises still include glute squeezes and ankle pumps, and my quad squeezes were modified to assist my knee in straightening. I can't fully straighten my leg yet, and it's frustrating, since he can't start me on strengthening until I get better range of motion. But I am seeing slow progress, and can put about 30 pounds on my right foot (supposed to be working towards 50% of my weight). It hurts my ankle to put weight on it, but I am definitely progressing.

Patience, grasshopper.